So I Went On a Date

Dating Diaries: Regina George

I swear, I have the worst luck when it comes to dating guys.  I decided to give the app, Hinge, a go.  I matched with a nice looking fella and we basically hit it off immediately.  By hitting it off I mean we had the same taste in music and movies- I guess that was pretty much it (looking back it should have been a red flag).  I got blind-sided by the fact that we had a conversation via MEAN GIRLS memes… I mean wouldn’t you?!FullSizeRender-6

More red flags:

  • He thought I was looking for a BFF or a cat babysitter.
    • Ummm…. NO and NO
      • I have enough BFFs and Boo Radley (my cat) has enough babysitters
  • He did not appreciate my witty sense of humor.
    • I might have referred to him a blue-haired lady because he mentioned eating dinner early in one of our conversations.
      • He took offense to me referring to him as a “lady” and did NOT like that one bit.  It. Was. A. Joke.
  • He appeared to be a little homophobic.
    • I sent him a meme from the brosbeingbasic Instagram account and he indicated he used to follow them, but it got too gay for him so he unfollowed the account.
      • UMMM??? Ok.

Needless to say there were red flags, but I ignored them.  I thought to myself, “I’m going to see this date through!”

Side note: my outfit was amazing. I had on a Free People tank, distressed Joe’s Jeans and a pair of Michael Kors wedges on.  I basically wasted an amazing outfit on a bad date.

I arrive to our date destination.

He was dressed very nicely. He had on a pair of designer jeans and a Brooks Brothers shirt.  He also had on typical frat-bro loafers and a nautical belt that fratastic guys usually wear.

The conversation was TERRIBLE.  I mean it was REALLY bad.

  • He did not like what the hostess was wearing, he thought it was see-through.
    • No it wasn’t see-through. I actually liked her dress.
    • A quote from him, “If I was a CEO and she was working for me she would not be wearing that dress.”
      • Ok…..
  • He did not like the type of glass his beer was served in, he thought the glass was “fruity”
    • See my observation above under red flags about him being homophobic.
  • He was very opinionated about tattoos.
    • Side note: I have a small tattoo on my wrist.
      • According to him you have to play the role of the career you want.  Apparently that means you can’t have tattoo sleeves and be a CEO.
        • Am I talking to my dad?  I’m pretty sure I was on a date with an 80 year old man, not a 31 year old.
  • I commented to him that our waitress looked like Kristen Bell.  His response: “Kristen Bell is old, she’s like 40.”
    • Me: “No she’s not. She’s about my age.”
      • After consulting Siri, yours truly was right.  He then told me he didn’t think our waitress looked like her, but I told her anyways.  It made her night.

That was probably the shortest date ever for me… under 45 minutes.

Now here’s the best part.  Well, not the best part, but it would only happen to me.

We’re walking down the street and the sidewalk had a lot of uneven pavement. I’m not even at the corner and I feel my ankle giving out.  My arms flail around like a crazed bird and I do a 360 spin like a drunk ballerina (P.S. I wasn’t drunk when I fell, I didn’t even finish my Moscow Mule on the date).  Next thing I know I’m laying on the ground staring up at the sky.

Here’s a series of thoughts that went through my mind:

  • How many people saw that?
  • Is this real life?
  • Did I break my ankle?
  • This would only happen to me. #storyofmylife
  • Should I buy a Life Alert?
  • I wish my friends were here to see this.
  • Can I just lay here for a few minutes?
  • Are my jeans ok?
  • I wonder what judgmental thoughts are going through people’s minds about me.
    • “Oh that girl is a hot mess.”
    • “She probably had too much to drink”
    • “It sucks to be her”
    • “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

I probably laid in the street for 3-4 minutes.  Several bystanders walked by me to ask me if I was ok and my date just stood there.  My response to everyone, “Oh I’m fine. I’m just laying here to make sure nothing is broken and to collect myself.” Followed by a nervous laugh.

I finally get up with the help of Regina George and continue walking with a slight limp and I just start cracking up.  He didn’t think it was funny.  We said our awkward goodbyes and departed.

God bless Google for telling me how to treat my ankle. I wrapped it up in an Ace Bandage, iced it and elevated it.  The following morning was touch and go, but since I was proactive my sprained ankle wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

For those of you wondering, he texted me the next day and said, “Hope your foot is ok. Bye.”

I give this date ZERO stars.

 

 

 

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So I Went On a Date

Dating Diaries: Mr. Sensitive Guy

So I recently went out with a guy (twice), that I’ll call Tom that I met off Tinder.

Tom + I met at Trophy Tap + Table in Downtown Raleigh.  When I arrived he was already sitting at the bar.  The conversation was great and we had some laughs.  Towards the end of dinner he tells me he has something to tell me.  I’m thinking to myself, “oh great, I can’t wait to see what confession he has for me.” He proceeds to tell me that he’s not 38 per his info on Tinder, he’s 42.  Am I happy that he lied about his age? No. I try to brush it off.  We then decide to head to Fox Liquor Bar for a drink.  He then tells me has something else to tell me.  Bless America! What else is he going to confess to me about?!

He tells me he walks with a limp.

Ummm… ok.  I’m thinking to myself, ok no big deal and don’t be superficial about it.  I mean there was some chemistry there and I figured I’d give the guy a chance. As we started to walk out of the bar it was a very obvious limp. The only way I can explain it which is going to sound mean (which is not my intent) is that it was like on the episode of Friends where Phoebe goes running with Rachel (but picture walking like that).  See? I knew you’d thought it would sound mean, but that’s the only way to give you a visual.

We get to the bar and he wants to sit in the dark corner. Of course this isn’t going to end well.  Thirty minutes in the bar and we’re making out like we’re two teenagers. Side note: I’m not going to be able to show my face in that bar for quite some time.

When we parted ways we decided to make plans to hang out again.  I figured I would give him another chance to redeem himself for lying to me about his age.

Date rating: 8/10

 

 

 

Around Town, Uncategorized

Who Dis?

Cinco de Mayo… another reason to eat Mexican food + drink delicious margaritas.  It was a good thing we booked our dinner reservations a week prior since everything was practically full.  The lucky restaurant that got to see our bright, shining faces was Centro in Downtown Raleigh. I must admit, it was my first time going there (why? I don’t know), but damn it was good.

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The margs were well worth the price.  I had the Fabulous Cadillac + my friend had the Spicy Mezcal… both phenomenal.  If I wasn’t unemployed I would have had more than one. #firstworldproblems.

Our waiter was an adorable kid (22 yrs old with five majors), you could say we got to know the staff while we were there.  With over 150 reservations, the restaurant had a prefixed menu which worked for them so they could usher everyone in and out in a timely manner. Bravo, Centro!

Next stop: our favorite bar, Landmark Tavern.  It’s a low-key bar and the bartenders are way cool… plus they allow dogs in the bar.  (I do not have a dog at the moment.  I have a crazy ass Mainecoon cat named Boo Radley and after he beat up a pug, I’ve decided he has to be an only child.  When I do get a dog though, I have my eyes set on getting a corgi). ANYWAYS…. back to the evening-

One thing I love about Landmark is the music they play.  It’s old stuff, not 90s and current music, it’s more like classic rock, 80s and some oldies.  For example on Friday night some of the tunes I recall hearing was Summer Breeze by Seals + Croft and Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears.  We may or may not have belted our hearts out singing the songs. Don’t judge.  Two memorable things occurred that evening:

  • I’ve been getting these random texts since January from an unknown person. See exhibit A below:
    FullSizeRender-6So I typically know who I give my number out to… this guy (?) doesn’t seem to get a hint, but I don’t want to reply because I want to see how much long I can keep this going.  My friend decided to take it upon herself to text this person and I created a name for this unknown person, “Who Dis?”
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    “Who Dis?” then asked my friend where she lived and then proceeded to ask if she wanted to meet up. Which begs the question, how does he know that my friend is a she and he’s not being catfished. Granted we weren’t cat fishing, we were just trying to get to the bottom of who was texting me. We never found out who the person was. Stay tuned for further updates.
  • I met the most adorable three month old French Bulldog that was wear a denim hoodie.  I was SMITTEN with the fashionable puppy along with all the puppy kisses I received. Ugh! I really need AND want a dog.  Maybe I’ll see if I can take Boo Radley to see a hypnotist and not have an urge to attack dogs.

P.S. I wish I had taken a photo of the dog wearing the stylish denim hoodie.
P.S.S. Now that I am over 30 and under 40, I can stay out late and not feel like shit the next day.
P.S.S.S. I went out drinking the next day.
P.S.S.S.S. Am I doing the P.S. thing right?

Around Town

(f)unemployment

And so my (f)unemployment continues!

I’ve been dying to try my hand at embroidery (and no, I’m not 87), but I’ve been intrigued by it since it’s all the rage in fashion this year. My friend and I had a little Sunday Funday action with Craft Habit Raleigh at The Edge of Urge to benefit The Beehive Collective.  Embroidery and bottomless mimosas?! Sign me up!

Upon walking into The Edge of Urge I was enamored with the entire store.  Not only do they carry Capri Blue candles, but they sell unique jewelry, amazingly creative cards and so much more.  Looking back, I wish I had taken photos of the store… but I was too transfixed on the mimosas and wanting to learn how to embroider.  In the two-hour time frame I learned the basics of embroidery and I was hooked.

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As the class wrapped up we weren’t quite ready to head home so we trotted next door to Wine Authorities.  HELLO, new favorite place!  I love the idea of having a Wine Authorities card where you can put money on it and serve yourself at the wine tap.  Can someone please install a wine tap at my house?  And because I’m obsessed with cheese plates/ cheese boards we totally ordered one. #cheeseaddict

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In case you were wondering, I finished my work of art! I stayed up late Wednesday night so I could finish it and I’m pretty sure I found my new hobby.  Perhaps I’ll open an Etsy shop if I don’t find a new job.

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Around Town

Laughter IS the Best Medicine

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Most of March has had me stressed out and anxiety-ridden.  Not knowing where you’ll land next in your career is scary, especially when you have a mortgage to pay and Boo Radley is too busy sleeping to get a job.

With that being said, a few weekends ago I took some time to push my worry/ stress aside for an evening of fun. + laughter.  My friend and I were BEYOND excited to see Chris D’Elia at Goodnights Raleigh.  But first things, first… dinner at Cantina 18!  Sangria + queso is ALWAYS a good idea.

Upon arriving to Goodnights, it was clear the show was sold-out and most of the people in line were college kids.  I was basically right about my theory. When I got to the bathroom the first thing I saw was some girl’s ID, credit card + 2 airplane bottles. #blessherheart. Luckily for her she was still outside the bathroom when I exited and basically jumped me when I returned her belongings.  She also begged me to take a shot from the airplane bottle. After declining her requests, I knew she wouldn’t let it go so down the hatchet it went.  The funny part of it all was that she was 23… I’m 35.  I’m pretty sure she thought we were the same age.

I got back just in time for the opening act, Michael Lenoci. He was a pretty funny dude, so no complaints here.

No spoilers here, but Chris D’Elia was H-I-L-arious! I haven’t laughed that much in quite awhile (especially since my job was recently eliminated).  I had never seen Chris D’Elia’s stand-up before, but his Vine videos (back when Vine was relevant) and Instagram posts made me laugh.  When it was announced he was coming to Raleigh, it was a given that we HAD to go see him.  We might have splurged on VIP tickets and got to meet him.
P.S. he’s a tall MF!

If you want to laugh your face off, go see him if he’s performing in your city.  In the meantime, I’ve got to find myself a job.

Around Town

Hopscotch: The Remix

Hopscotch overtook Downtown Raleigh this weekend and I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t go see any of the shows this year at the festival.  When life doesn’t take you to the music festival, you make your own version of Hopscotch– hopping to various bars in downtown Raleigh.

Before we started “hopping” around town, my friend Natalie + I hit up Dos Taquitos Xoco for dinner for some Mexican nomz.  Now I never thought I’d see the Bud Light gals at Dos Taquitos… I’d expect to see them at the Carolina Ale House or the Hibernian. No, they were trolling Dos Taquitos with their swag, which we obviously HAD to take.  IMG_2553

You’re looking at the proud owner of some Bud Light wayfarer shades! What’s wrong with me? That’s nothing to brag about!

Like any normal early thirty-somethings we ubered to the normal part of downtown Raleigh aka the Wilmington Street area.  Sam, our first uber driver of the evening arrived in his Mitsubishi Outlander Sport + he told us he wanted that five-star rating.  Apparently that five-star rating meant opening the door for us.  I thought it meant getting us from point A to point B in a safely + timely manner along with a tidy car and being polite in order for getting that top shelf rating… but what do I know?

Sam dropped us off at our “old faithful” bar, Landmark Tavern.  While we were sitting at the bar, we encountered Gary, the hilarious and friendly bartender.  He was also in charge of the music which ranged from Glen Campbell to Bryan Adams to Chicago + Tom Jones. We were totally digging the randomness of tunes. I might have attempted to do “the Carlton” while sitting in my chair and Gary shut it down.  Buzzkill.

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Halfway through our first drink, I was approached by an odd little fella who asked me what year I was.  I had to ask him again what he said since I thought I misheard.  Nope.  He was asking me what year I was in school. Once we informed him we were no longer in school + hadn’t been in quite sometime, he then told us we should go get our Masters.  So in the first two to three minutes he’s telling us to go get our Masters.  Don’t worry, it gets better.   My first mistake was asking him if he was wearing a blue leopard shirt.  I was quickly corrected that it was nautical, NOT leopard.  For the record it was dark in the bar, anyone could have made that mistake.  He also had this Navajo-like necklace on from 1992 as well as a faux-leather fanny pack and his e-cigarette.  I mean he did say to us, “I’m from NY, I AM fashion!” In true fashion, I asked him for a photo.  He strictly told me not to tag him on Instagram.  Ummm… yeah ok, you don’t have to worry about that.

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Before we left Landmark that night we saw him again and this time his entire shirt was unbuttoned.  It’s a wonder I didn’t vomit.  I still get the heebie jeebies thinking about it.

During adult beverage #2 at Landmark, I happened to turn around + saw a blast from the past.  It was Drunkasswolf.  That was his screen name back in the college days so I’ve always called him “Drunkasswolf.”  I tend to run into him at the most unusual places.  As of recent it was Slims + my friend’s wedding last summer.  Small world.  Drunkasswolf still looks like a Drunkasswolf, especially with that beard of his.  Super nice guy though.

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While I was catching up with Drunkasswolf, Natalie was getting hit on by some dude from Arkansas.  He was in town visiting his cousin who was also lingering around us.  When we decided to roll up to Raleigh Times, the “cousins” came with us.  Mr. Arkansas bought my friend the nice, luxurious pumpkin beer and gave his cousin + I the disgusting porter.  I took one sip + handed it off.  Ain’t nobody got time for drinking a dark porter beer, especially when they don’t even fancy that.  #Rude.

Hanging outside of Raleigh Times there was a guy standing next to our table + he was in a baby tee that was too small for him.  Needless to say his cigarettes barely fit in the pocket of his tee.  Bless his heart.

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The “cousins” continued to follow us to the next stop, The Busy Bee.  We were treated to the buffalo chicken tater tots, which were “ok.”  I’m not a fan of bleu cheese + eating spicy foods late at night.  That’s just asking for indigestion.  By this point we were ready to bid farewell to the cousins.  Sure it was fun bar-hopping with them, but we had checked out.  If only we could hang like we used to, we would have made it until 2am.  Our stopping point on Friday night was more like 12am.

We summoned Uber and Gerardo  picked us up in his Chrysler 200.  I asked him if he was related to Geraldo Rivera since their names were kind of similar and he did not respond well to that.  Oopsy-daisy.  I guess I should know my audience before I start saying awkward things.

Final Thoughts:

  • Mullets do exist in downtown Raleigh.  I saw one at Landmark Tavern (see the photo below)
  • Know your audience before you start saying m’lord to people.  Not everyone responds well to it.
  • Also know your audience when you tell the male bartender you like his braid.
  • ITB kids love The Raleigh Times.  If only Felson’s was still around.
  • Just because you’re from NY, it doesn’t mean you KNOW fashion.  Silly little man.
  • The sidewalk rule in downtown Raleigh for bars is lame. (This is totally unrelated to my adventures in downtown Raleigh, but it’s totally lame).

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Around Town

Birthday Shenanigans

I celebrated the big “3-4” last month with a bang.  Several of my favorites joined me for dinner at Irregardless Cafe (one of my favorite restaurants) before we hit the town.  Any by “hit the town”, I mean I we went to a few local bars… this girl can’t hang like she used to.

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Some of my favorite gals helping me celebrate my birthday at Irregardless Cafe

Bar Stop #1: Landmark Tavern.  The highlight of the night was this stupid video I took.  To truly appreciate it, you had to have been there.  I still crack up when I watch it.  Then again it doesn’t take much to crack me up.

Bar Stop #2: Bittersweet.  I was recently introduced to this AMAZING establishment and I’m pretty much smitten with it.  Prosecco + dessert + some 80’s music? Yes, please! I split the key lime tequila parfait + s’mores sundae with my friends and it was THE BOMB DOT
COM.

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Key lime tequila parfait + s’mores sundae.

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Friends that can make funny faces together, stays together.

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Bar Stop #3: The Busy Bee.  I have a love/ hate relationship with The Hive.  I love it when they play amazing music that’s fun to dance to.  I hate it when it gets overcrowded and the music changes suddenly, such as some strange Jamaican tunes.  It’s like flipping a light switch… the music changes without warning. When that happened we said, “bye Felicia” and made our way out.

We “attempted” to go to Neptunes (a total whole in the wall bar) that I love for some odd reason.  Once we saw the line we all looked at each other + knew it was not going to happen for us.  It was then I decided it was time to go home.  I went to the bars I wanted to, minus Neptunes (buzzkill)… but it was a fun night with great friends.

Neptunes, I’ll be seeing you soon.