Around Town

Laughter IS the Best Medicine

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Most of March has had me stressed out and anxiety-ridden.  Not knowing where you’ll land next in your career is scary, especially when you have a mortgage to pay and Boo Radley is too busy sleeping to get a job.

With that being said, a few weekends ago I took some time to push my worry/ stress aside for an evening of fun. + laughter.  My friend and I were BEYOND excited to see Chris D’Elia at Goodnights Raleigh.  But first things, first… dinner at Cantina 18!  Sangria + queso is ALWAYS a good idea.

Upon arriving to Goodnights, it was clear the show was sold-out and most of the people in line were college kids.  I was basically right about my theory. When I got to the bathroom the first thing I saw was some girl’s ID, credit card + 2 airplane bottles. #blessherheart. Luckily for her she was still outside the bathroom when I exited and basically jumped me when I returned her belongings.  She also begged me to take a shot from the airplane bottle. After declining her requests, I knew she wouldn’t let it go so down the hatchet it went.  The funny part of it all was that she was 23… I’m 35.  I’m pretty sure she thought we were the same age.

I got back just in time for the opening act, Michael Lenoci. He was a pretty funny dude, so no complaints here.

No spoilers here, but Chris D’Elia was H-I-L-arious! I haven’t laughed that much in quite awhile (especially since my job was recently eliminated).  I had never seen Chris D’Elia’s stand-up before, but his Vine videos (back when Vine was relevant) and Instagram posts made me laugh.  When it was announced he was coming to Raleigh, it was a given that we HAD to go see him.  We might have splurged on VIP tickets and got to meet him.
P.S. he’s a tall MF!

If you want to laugh your face off, go see him if he’s performing in your city.  In the meantime, I’ve got to find myself a job.

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Uncategorized

Go Home Barry Manilow

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Does anyone else get random texts like this from their parents? I mean not specifically about Barry Manilow, but random texts that you just weren’t expecting? My mom texted me yesterday + maybe it was just me, but I found it hilarious.  Come to find out she was tired of seeing Barry Manilow popping up on her Facebook, so with a simple fix we said, “Bye Felicia” and “un-liked” his page.   {Side note:  is “un-like” even a word? }  Even if it’s not a word, I’m going to start using it.

I’m also going to start keeping record of stellar text messages I receive from both my mom + dad.

Dating Diaries

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Ok y’all. Here’s my first blog post on my adventures in dating. I’ve changed the guy’s name +  location so no one’s feelings get hurt.

Last night’s date was a total hot mess!  We met up at local downtown Raleigh establishment at around 8pm.  I got there on time + Earbuds* texted to say he was out back finishing up a phone call.  Out of total politeness I waited for him to show his face prior to ordering my drink… my parents would be proud that those cotillon classes from middle school were paying off.  Maybe I should have referred him to the cotillon classes I went to because he appeared with beverage in hand.  In the words of Stephanie Tanner, “HOW RUDE!” I opted to not hold that against him. However there were a few things I couldn’t get past.

  1. He was starting ear gauges. On BOTH ears.  Who starts doing that when they’re in their 30s?! Really? I don’t get the appeal of ear gauges. I’m ok with tattoos, but ear gauges? You want to have a GIANT floppy hole in your ear that you could potentially shoot darts through for giggles? No thanks.
  2. He whipped out his e-cigarette like Leonardo DiCaprio did at the SAG Awards. It was like a magic trick, you don’t know how it appeared, it just came out of no where.
  3. He lives with an eight foot boa constrictor. Technically, it’s his roommate’s “pet”, but still. A snake? That’s a 100% hell no. Not to mention, I think he plans to live with said roommate forever.
  4. Conspiracy theories. He had conspiracy theories that he babbled about, but honestly I tuned out. I think I just nodded as if I knew what he was talking about.
  5. Yes, there’s a number five.  At the end of the night when it was obvious that there wasn’t a connection he said he was going to close his tab.  First of all, we had a waitress. Second of all, you’re not going to at least offer to buy my one $5 glass of prosecco for Wind Down Wednesday? Oh, that’s fine. I’m miss independent, miss self-sufficient… I’ve got this, don’t worry about me.

I should have just said, “Bye Felicia” to him.  Unfortunately time machines don’t exist so it’s a moo-point.  Oh well… on to the next one.

P.S. I called this post earbuds because I stopped my friend’s house after the date to give her the “scoop” and her boyfriend referred to him as earbuds so it stuck.

P.S.S. Earbuds, if you’re reading this- I didn’t mention your name so let’s not get bent out of shape… it’s just giggles.

 

Uncategorized

Oh Hey, 2016!

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I rang 2016 in style… another New Years Eve show with The Avett Brothers! That recap will come later.

I’m not one to make resolutions, because let’s get real… I don’t keep them.  That would be like me saying, “I’ve got a mad craving for chitlins”… not going to happen. Ever.  Instead I try to make a list of things I want to do or strive to do, that way I’m not committing to something for a whole year.  Here’s what I’ll strive to do in 2016…

  • Concerts. I saw some stellar shows in 2015… The Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac, Mumford + Sons, The Avett Brothers and Alabama Shakes… just to name a few.
  • Read more. I started reading more towards the end of 2015 + I forgot how much I missed it.  The first book I’m going to crack open for 2016 is Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari.  And yes, I’m one of those people who likes holding a physical book.  Here’s hoping I also actually read my magazines too.  I was notorious for slacking on that in 2015.
  • Decorating. I’m for real this time.  I’m going to hang pictures on my wall… even if I have to find someone taller than me to hang them.  Actually, someone is going to have to do it for me. If I hang them it will be obvious a fun-sized person hung them on the wall.  I have a rep to maintain.
  • Saying, “YES.”  I want to say yes to more adventures in 2016.  For example, I’ve already said yes to going to Napa Valley in February with a group of friends.  I’ll just need to find someone to hold my hand on the flight or a horse tranquilizer to subdue my jazz hands.

And that’s it!

Here’s to more giggles, less falling in public + lots of fun in 2016!

 

 

Around Town

Hopscotch: The Remix

Hopscotch overtook Downtown Raleigh this weekend and I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t go see any of the shows this year at the festival.  When life doesn’t take you to the music festival, you make your own version of Hopscotch– hopping to various bars in downtown Raleigh.

Before we started “hopping” around town, my friend Natalie + I hit up Dos Taquitos Xoco for dinner for some Mexican nomz.  Now I never thought I’d see the Bud Light gals at Dos Taquitos… I’d expect to see them at the Carolina Ale House or the Hibernian. No, they were trolling Dos Taquitos with their swag, which we obviously HAD to take.  IMG_2553

You’re looking at the proud owner of some Bud Light wayfarer shades! What’s wrong with me? That’s nothing to brag about!

Like any normal early thirty-somethings we ubered to the normal part of downtown Raleigh aka the Wilmington Street area.  Sam, our first uber driver of the evening arrived in his Mitsubishi Outlander Sport + he told us he wanted that five-star rating.  Apparently that five-star rating meant opening the door for us.  I thought it meant getting us from point A to point B in a safely + timely manner along with a tidy car and being polite in order for getting that top shelf rating… but what do I know?

Sam dropped us off at our “old faithful” bar, Landmark Tavern.  While we were sitting at the bar, we encountered Gary, the hilarious and friendly bartender.  He was also in charge of the music which ranged from Glen Campbell to Bryan Adams to Chicago + Tom Jones. We were totally digging the randomness of tunes. I might have attempted to do “the Carlton” while sitting in my chair and Gary shut it down.  Buzzkill.

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Halfway through our first drink, I was approached by an odd little fella who asked me what year I was.  I had to ask him again what he said since I thought I misheard.  Nope.  He was asking me what year I was in school. Once we informed him we were no longer in school + hadn’t been in quite sometime, he then told us we should go get our Masters.  So in the first two to three minutes he’s telling us to go get our Masters.  Don’t worry, it gets better.   My first mistake was asking him if he was wearing a blue leopard shirt.  I was quickly corrected that it was nautical, NOT leopard.  For the record it was dark in the bar, anyone could have made that mistake.  He also had this Navajo-like necklace on from 1992 as well as a faux-leather fanny pack and his e-cigarette.  I mean he did say to us, “I’m from NY, I AM fashion!” In true fashion, I asked him for a photo.  He strictly told me not to tag him on Instagram.  Ummm… yeah ok, you don’t have to worry about that.

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Before we left Landmark that night we saw him again and this time his entire shirt was unbuttoned.  It’s a wonder I didn’t vomit.  I still get the heebie jeebies thinking about it.

During adult beverage #2 at Landmark, I happened to turn around + saw a blast from the past.  It was Drunkasswolf.  That was his screen name back in the college days so I’ve always called him “Drunkasswolf.”  I tend to run into him at the most unusual places.  As of recent it was Slims + my friend’s wedding last summer.  Small world.  Drunkasswolf still looks like a Drunkasswolf, especially with that beard of his.  Super nice guy though.

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While I was catching up with Drunkasswolf, Natalie was getting hit on by some dude from Arkansas.  He was in town visiting his cousin who was also lingering around us.  When we decided to roll up to Raleigh Times, the “cousins” came with us.  Mr. Arkansas bought my friend the nice, luxurious pumpkin beer and gave his cousin + I the disgusting porter.  I took one sip + handed it off.  Ain’t nobody got time for drinking a dark porter beer, especially when they don’t even fancy that.  #Rude.

Hanging outside of Raleigh Times there was a guy standing next to our table + he was in a baby tee that was too small for him.  Needless to say his cigarettes barely fit in the pocket of his tee.  Bless his heart.

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The “cousins” continued to follow us to the next stop, The Busy Bee.  We were treated to the buffalo chicken tater tots, which were “ok.”  I’m not a fan of bleu cheese + eating spicy foods late at night.  That’s just asking for indigestion.  By this point we were ready to bid farewell to the cousins.  Sure it was fun bar-hopping with them, but we had checked out.  If only we could hang like we used to, we would have made it until 2am.  Our stopping point on Friday night was more like 12am.

We summoned Uber and Gerardo  picked us up in his Chrysler 200.  I asked him if he was related to Geraldo Rivera since their names were kind of similar and he did not respond well to that.  Oopsy-daisy.  I guess I should know my audience before I start saying awkward things.

Final Thoughts:

  • Mullets do exist in downtown Raleigh.  I saw one at Landmark Tavern (see the photo below)
  • Know your audience before you start saying m’lord to people.  Not everyone responds well to it.
  • Also know your audience when you tell the male bartender you like his braid.
  • ITB kids love The Raleigh Times.  If only Felson’s was still around.
  • Just because you’re from NY, it doesn’t mean you KNOW fashion.  Silly little man.
  • The sidewalk rule in downtown Raleigh for bars is lame. (This is totally unrelated to my adventures in downtown Raleigh, but it’s totally lame).

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