Hopscotch overtook Downtown Raleigh this weekend and I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t go see any of the shows this year at the festival.  When life doesn’t take you to the music festival, you make your own version of Hopscotch– hopping to various bars in downtown Raleigh.

Before we started “hopping” around town, my friend Natalie + I hit up Dos Taquitos Xoco for dinner for some Mexican nomz.  Now I never thought I’d see the Bud Light gals at Dos Taquitos… I’d expect to see them at the Carolina Ale House or the Hibernian. No, they were trolling Dos Taquitos with their swag, which we obviously HAD to take.  

You’re looking at the proud owner of some Bud Light wayfarer shades! What’s wrong with me? That’s nothing to brag about!

Like any normal early thirty-somethings we ubered to the normal part of downtown Raleigh aka the Wilmington Street area.  Sam, our first uber driver of the evening arrived in his Mitsubishi Outlander Sport + he told us he wanted that five-star rating.  Apparently that five-star rating meant opening the door for us.  I thought it meant getting us from point A to point B in a safely + timely manner along with a tidy car and being polite in order for getting that top shelf rating… but what do I know?

Sam dropped us off at our “old faithful” bar, Landmark Tavern.  While we were sitting at the bar, we encountered Gary, the hilarious and friendly bartender.  He was also in charge of the music which ranged from Glen Campbell to Bryan Adams to Chicago + Tom Jones. We were totally digging the randomness of tunes. I might have attempted to do “the Carlton” while sitting in my chair and Gary shut it down.  Buzzkill.

Halfway through our first drink, I was approached by an odd little fella who asked me what year I was.  I had to ask him again what he said since I thought I misheard.  Nope.  He was asking me what year I was in school. Once we informed him we were no longer in school + hadn’t been in quite sometime, he then told us we should go get our Masters.  So in the first two to three minutes he’s telling us to go get our Masters.  Don’t worry, it gets better.   My first mistake was asking him if he was wearing a blue leopard shirt.  I was quickly corrected that it was nautical, NOT leopard.  For the record it was dark in the bar, anyone could have made that mistake.  He also had this Navajo-like necklace on from 1992 as well as a faux-leather fanny pack and his e-cigarette.  I mean he did say to us, “I’m from NY, I AM fashion!” In true fashion, I asked him for a photo.  He strictly told me not to tag him on Instagram.  Ummm… yeah ok, you don’t have to worry about that.

Before we left Landmark that night we saw him again and this time his entire shirt was unbuttoned.  It’s a wonder I didn’t vomit.  I still get the heebie jeebies thinking about it.

During adult beverage #2 at Landmark, I happened to turn around + saw a blast from the past.  It was Drunkasswolf.  That was his screen name back in the college days so I’ve always called him “Drunkasswolf.”  I tend to run into him at the most unusual places.  As of recent it was Slims + my friend’s wedding last summer.  Small world.  Drunkasswolf still looks like a Drunkasswolf, especially with that beard of his.  Super nice guy though.

While I was catching up with Drunkasswolf, Natalie was getting hit on by some dude from Arkansas.  He was in town visiting his cousin who was also lingering around us.  When we decided to roll up to Raleigh Times, the “cousins” came with us.  Mr. Arkansas bought my friend the nice, luxurious pumpkin beer and gave his cousin + I the disgusting porter.  I took one sip + handed it off.  Ain’t nobody got time for drinking a dark porter beer, especially when they don’t even fancy that.  #Rude.

Hanging outside of Raleigh Times there was a guy standing next to our table + he was in a baby tee that was too small for him.  Needless to say his cigarettes barely fit in the pocket of his tee.  Bless his heart.

The “cousins” continued to follow us to the next stop, The Busy Bee.  We were treated to the buffalo chicken tater tots, which were “ok.”  I’m not a fan of bleu cheese + eating spicy foods late at night.  That’s just asking for indigestion.  By this point we were ready to bid farewell to the cousins.  Sure it was fun bar-hopping with them, but we had checked out.  If only we could hang like we used to, we would have made it until 2am.  Our stopping point on Friday night was more like 12am.

We summoned Uber and Gerardo  picked us up in his Chrysler 200.  I asked him if he was related to Geraldo Rivera since their names were kind of similar and he did not respond well to that.  Oopsy-daisy.  I guess I should know my audience before I start saying awkward things.

Final Thoughts:

• Mullets do exist in downtown Raleigh.  I saw one at Landmark Tavern (see the photo below)
• Know your audience before you start saying m’lord to people.  Not everyone responds well to it.
• Also know your audience when you tell the male bartender you like his braid.
• ITB kids love The Raleigh Times.  If only Felson’s was still around.
• Just because you’re from NY, it doesn’t mean you KNOW fashion.  Silly little man.
• The sidewalk rule in downtown Raleigh for bars is lame. (This is totally unrelated to my adventures in downtown Raleigh, but it’s totally lame).