I went on a date. With an Australian.
Here’s how it went down.
I matched with Gary on Tinder. {Side bar: when I saw that his name was Gary, all I could think about was that Ew Gary skit Jimmy Fallon does on the Tonight Show}. We started chatting + I learned he was in town from Australia for the week with work. I thought to myself, “YAAAS, here’s my opportunity to go out with an Aussie!” From looking at his pictures he was totes attractive and I could tell he was probably a bit of a playboy. Did that stop me? No. I basically confided in a couple of coworkers to let them know I was going on a date. Half of them told me not to do it, the other half said go for it. I also phoned a friend for her opinion… she told me to go for it. So I went for it.
I obviously made sure I was in control of where we were going to meet up at, etc. so I wouldn’t end up on Dateline. We agreed to meet up at Lynnwood for drinks. I arrived there first to which I promptly ordered a Moscow Mule so I could get a head start with some liquid courage. I never meet up with anyone that soon, but since there was a time crunch I made an exception.
Gary arrived a little late. Bless his heart, he had to Uber there. Granted if I was in another country I sure as hell would not attempt to drive either. So he comes in and I’m a little taken aback. Not by his dashing good looks, but the fact that he’s got a satchel aka a murse, or in laments terms, a man purse. All I could think of was the episode from Friends where Joey wears a murse.
I then felt like an ass after I asked him why he had it. Since he has diabetes he keeps his insulin in it. Like I said, I felt like an after that. I thought it was maybe just a trend Australian men were trying out. Nope. He also had a small hoop earring. At least it wasn’t a gauge in his ear.
So in true Jessica fashion, I quizzed him on stereotypical Australian things. Here’s a sampling of the hard-hitting questions I asked.
- Have you ever been to Outback Steakhouse and if so what do you think of it?
- Do you like drinking Fosters?
- Were you sad about the Crocodile Hunter?
- Do you like the Crocodile Dundee movies?
It’s a good thing he had a sense of humor. Out of those questions that I asked him, he reacted badly to Fosters. He was not a fan of that beer.
By the time a few hours pass by, it’s time for me to go home. He tries multiple times to come with me. Hecky naw! Like I said, I’m not trying to end up on Dateline and I just met up with him for giggles because I knew I’d never see him again. Plus, my momma didn’t raise me like that. Thanks, mom… I do listen to you! After several attempts, he finally gets the picture and instead walks me to my car. I literally turn around to hug him and BAM he plants one on me. So not only did I go out on a date with an Australian, but we basically made out in the parking lot.
When I told my co-worker this, she summed it up perfectly for me, “you made out with an Australian so you basically made our with Chris Hemsworth.”
I’ll accept that.
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