So I Went On a Date

Dating Diaries: Mr. No-Show

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In my 30-something years of living, I have never been stood up. Until now.

This was probably karma coming back to me for leaving my date with the doctor when I told him I had a headache.

We were planning to meet at a little hole-in-the-wall bar that has fun games like ping pong and skee ball. Prior to us meeting we had to reschedule our dates a few times, I didn’t think anything of it. I arrive at the bar and text him letting him know I’m sitting outside. He responds, “running a few minutes behind I had to take my dog out.”

I decide to order a glass of Pinot Grigio and wait for his arrival. Twenty minutes go by. I text my friend to ask her how long does one wait until they realize they’ve been stood up.  She instructed me to text him about his ETA and wait at least 20 minutes before leaving.

I shoot him a text asking him,  “Hey _____ just seeing if you’re planning on coming or not. If you’re not, it’s cool… but just let me know.” Radio silence. No reply. Nothing. At this point I couldn’t help but laugh a little. I finish my wine, close my tab and bounce out of there.

If I learned anything from this non-existent date, it’s that I can totally go somewhere and drink a glass of wine by myself and not feel weird about it. Victory!

 

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So I Went On a Date

Dating Diaries: A Disaster With a Doctor

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I went on my first and last date with a private practice doctor. I have nothing against doctors, my best friend married a doctor who works at Duke and I love him to death. *Note: I told my friend about my date with the doctor and she told me to stay away from doctors who are in private practice as they’re high maintenance and all about the money.*

So I met the doctor at Vivace at North Hills, which I thought was just going to be for a drink since it was 9pm. I don’t know about you, but I can’t eat dinner after 9pm for the fear I’ll get heartburn. Anyways, I arrive and he’s sitting at the bar and we greet each other with small talk. As I’m handed the drink menu from the bartender, I make a comment about how I could really go for a glass of rosé. The response I received from the doctor was not expected… “don’t order a glass of wine, get a cocktail. I’m thinking we’ll have a nice bottle of white wine from Italy when we sit down for dinner.” Insert my facial expression of disbelief when I was told what to do. That was red flag number one. In case you’re wondering, I never ordered a drink. I did not want a cocktail and I wasn’t even sure I wanted a glass of wine after that.

Red flag number 2. He proceeds to talk about himself and the practice he was recruited to. He talks about skiing, elaborate vacations, the country club he belongs to, etc. It was then I realized this was not going to work out. I could tell he was looking for a trophy wife. He wanted someone to show off, someone to be a stay-at-home mom and be the one who takes care of the home while he works. This was not something I wanted to sign up for.

Red flag number 3. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I noticed he kept jingling his wrist throughout the date. It was obvious he wanted me to see his watch. I thought I’d play along for giggles. Here’s how it went:

Me: *Looking at his watch* “Is that a Rolex?”
Doctor: “Why yes it is!!” *He proceeds to remove the watch from his wrist on his own accord and hands it over to me thinking I will marvel and drool over the luxurious watch.* “It’s 14 karat white gold”, he exclaims.
Me: *Blank stare. Thinking to myself, is this real life? I gotta get outta here.* To try to lighten the mood I say, “Well you know I have this fancy Garmin watch on. It tracks my steps, my heart rate, I get text messages, etc.”
Doctor: “Maybe I’ll buy you a Rolex one day.”
Me: “No… I’m good.”

I hand the watch back to him and tell him I probably wouldn’t be staying for dinner as I had a headache. Truth be told, I was getting a headache and I didn’t want to have to sit through a meal with him that he would insist on paying for. As he walked with me outside red flag number 4 was minutes away from happening. He proceeds to tell me he used to live in the apartments above North Hills, but had to move to a “higher rent district” because he wanted to be around more sophisticated people like him. I couldn’t leave this conversation fast enough. We exchange goodbyes and I head to my local McDonald’s so I can treat myself to some french fries and think about what just transpired.

Don’t get me wrong, I like nice things too. I just don’t air it out or brag about it. Good for him if he bought himself a Rolex or joined a country club… that kind of stuff doesn’t impress me. If you really want to impress me, tell me you volunteer at an animal shelter or that you’ve ran your first marathon.

So I Went On a Date

Dating Diaries: Regina George

I swear, I have the worst luck when it comes to dating guys.  I decided to give the app, Hinge, a go.  I matched with a nice looking fella and we basically hit it off immediately.  By hitting it off I mean we had the same taste in music and movies- I guess that was pretty much it (looking back it should have been a red flag).  I got blind-sided by the fact that we had a conversation via MEAN GIRLS memes… I mean wouldn’t you?!FullSizeRender-6

More red flags:

  • He thought I was looking for a BFF or a cat babysitter.
    • Ummm…. NO and NO
      • I have enough BFFs and Boo Radley (my cat) has enough babysitters
  • He did not appreciate my witty sense of humor.
    • I might have referred to him a blue-haired lady because he mentioned eating dinner early in one of our conversations.
      • He took offense to me referring to him as a “lady” and did NOT like that one bit.  It. Was. A. Joke.
  • He appeared to be a little homophobic.
    • I sent him a meme from the brosbeingbasic Instagram account and he indicated he used to follow them, but it got too gay for him so he unfollowed the account.
      • UMMM??? Ok.

Needless to say there were red flags, but I ignored them.  I thought to myself, “I’m going to see this date through!”

Side note: my outfit was amazing. I had on a Free People tank, distressed Joe’s Jeans and a pair of Michael Kors wedges on.  I basically wasted an amazing outfit on a bad date.

I arrive to our date destination.

He was dressed very nicely. He had on a pair of designer jeans and a Brooks Brothers shirt.  He also had on typical frat-bro loafers and a nautical belt that fratastic guys usually wear.

The conversation was TERRIBLE.  I mean it was REALLY bad.

  • He did not like what the hostess was wearing, he thought it was see-through.
    • No it wasn’t see-through. I actually liked her dress.
    • A quote from him, “If I was a CEO and she was working for me she would not be wearing that dress.”
      • Ok…..
  • He did not like the type of glass his beer was served in, he thought the glass was “fruity”
    • See my observation above under red flags about him being homophobic.
  • He was very opinionated about tattoos.
    • Side note: I have a small tattoo on my wrist.
      • According to him you have to play the role of the career you want.  Apparently that means you can’t have tattoo sleeves and be a CEO.
        • Am I talking to my dad?  I’m pretty sure I was on a date with an 80 year old man, not a 31 year old.
  • I commented to him that our waitress looked like Kristen Bell.  His response: “Kristen Bell is old, she’s like 40.”
    • Me: “No she’s not. She’s about my age.”
      • After consulting Siri, yours truly was right.  He then told me he didn’t think our waitress looked like her, but I told her anyways.  It made her night.

That was probably the shortest date ever for me… under 45 minutes.

Now here’s the best part.  Well, not the best part, but it would only happen to me.

We’re walking down the street and the sidewalk had a lot of uneven pavement. I’m not even at the corner and I feel my ankle giving out.  My arms flail around like a crazed bird and I do a 360 spin like a drunk ballerina (P.S. I wasn’t drunk when I fell, I didn’t even finish my Moscow Mule on the date).  Next thing I know I’m laying on the ground staring up at the sky.

Here’s a series of thoughts that went through my mind:

  • How many people saw that?
  • Is this real life?
  • Did I break my ankle?
  • This would only happen to me. #storyofmylife
  • Should I buy a Life Alert?
  • I wish my friends were here to see this.
  • Can I just lay here for a few minutes?
  • Are my jeans ok?
  • I wonder what judgmental thoughts are going through people’s minds about me.
    • “Oh that girl is a hot mess.”
    • “She probably had too much to drink”
    • “It sucks to be her”
    • “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

I probably laid in the street for 3-4 minutes.  Several bystanders walked by me to ask me if I was ok and my date just stood there.  My response to everyone, “Oh I’m fine. I’m just laying here to make sure nothing is broken and to collect myself.” Followed by a nervous laugh.

I finally get up with the help of Regina George and continue walking with a slight limp and I just start cracking up.  He didn’t think it was funny.  We said our awkward goodbyes and departed.

God bless Google for telling me how to treat my ankle. I wrapped it up in an Ace Bandage, iced it and elevated it.  The following morning was touch and go, but since I was proactive my sprained ankle wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

For those of you wondering, he texted me the next day and said, “Hope your foot is ok. Bye.”

I give this date ZERO stars.

 

 

 

So I Went On a Date

Dating Diaries: Mr. Sensitive Guy

So I recently went out with a guy (twice), that I’ll call Tom that I met off Tinder.

Tom + I met at Trophy Tap + Table in Downtown Raleigh.  When I arrived he was already sitting at the bar.  The conversation was great and we had some laughs.  Towards the end of dinner he tells me he has something to tell me.  I’m thinking to myself, “oh great, I can’t wait to see what confession he has for me.” He proceeds to tell me that he’s not 38 per his info on Tinder, he’s 42.  Am I happy that he lied about his age? No. I try to brush it off.  We then decide to head to Fox Liquor Bar for a drink.  He then tells me has something else to tell me.  Bless America! What else is he going to confess to me about?!

He tells me he walks with a limp.

Ummm… ok.  I’m thinking to myself, ok no big deal and don’t be superficial about it.  I mean there was some chemistry there and I figured I’d give the guy a chance. As we started to walk out of the bar it was a very obvious limp. The only way I can explain it which is going to sound mean (which is not my intent) is that it was like on the episode of Friends where Phoebe goes running with Rachel (but picture walking like that).  See? I knew you’d thought it would sound mean, but that’s the only way to give you a visual.

We get to the bar and he wants to sit in the dark corner. Of course this isn’t going to end well.  Thirty minutes in the bar and we’re making out like we’re two teenagers. Side note: I’m not going to be able to show my face in that bar for quite some time.

When we parted ways we decided to make plans to hang out again.  I figured I would give him another chance to redeem himself for lying to me about his age.

Date rating: 8/10